| . |
[24 Mar 2008|02:23pm] |
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mood |
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 apathetic |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Rilo Kiley - Dreamworld |
] |
Ew. I feel like I'm going to throw up.
|
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| I'm dying inside to know |
[28 Aug 2007|06:23pm] |
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mood |
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 tired |
] |
| [ |
music |
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The Used - Paralyzed |
] |
I hate stupid, simple signs, they really mess up my day in so many days. I'm sick of thinking too.
Peace<3
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| It's a lonely world |
[05 Nov 2006|11:23pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 nervous |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Two Step |
] |
This isn't happening; The sky is really falling, The paint's all made of lead, There's asbestos in the walls, Hell's coming to rip off the doors to your priveleged heaven. Do you want to love and feel it? You can look but you can't taste it. You can reach but you'll never have it.
I don't know anymore. I tell myself everything will be okay but it isn't. Everything is still so messed up. I thought it was getting better but nope, of course not my little mind wondered off to a place that it shouldn't have gone. I don't know what to think anymore. I'm just sitting here with all of these thoughts that just keep racing through my head and I can't process them fast enough. I mean I know life isn't easy but why does it have to be like this? I keep telling myself, breathe and relax and it'll all work out but it's not that easy. I just wish something would jump out and show me that everything isn't so fucked up. Just one little thing to show me that everything is going to be okay. I still have hope left, it's not much but its there. I wish so much. Probably not the best thing for me to do. I don't know. I say that a lot, "I don't know". It's easier then explaining everything I suppose. I have such obscure thoughts sometimes. I want to be able to think straight and for it to work out. I hate the feeling that has taken over. I see everyone else and I wonder if their dealing with the same trials and tribulations that I am. I guess I'll never know. I am glad for one thing though, I have friends who care and that means a lot to me. I can't escape the future, thats evident, I just wish I knew what the hell was going on. This is probably going to get deleted in less than 24 hours so I don't even know why I'm writing this, probably just for my own health and to get it out of my system. I'm scared and thats the only thing thats really concrete right now. I still hold onto everythings okay in the end if it's not okay it isn't the end. Alright I'm done, I'm sorry.
Peace ♥
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| Kiss me on the mouth |
[19 Oct 2006|11:23pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
okay |
] |
| [ |
music |
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The Jealous Sound - Hope For Us |
] |
Ladies and gentleman Wear sunscreen. If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now. Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine. Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday. Do one thing every day that scares you. Sing. Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours. Floss. Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself. Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how. Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements. Stretch. Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't. Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone. Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's. Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own. Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but in your living room. Read the directions, even if you don't follow them. Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly. Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future. Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young. Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel. Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasise that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders. Respect your elders. Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out. Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85. Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth. But trust me on the sunscreen. Everybody's free,
Everybody's free to feel good.
I keep repeating in my head, Everything's okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end. I'm hoping it's still true.
Peace <3
|
|
| whatttttt |
[17 Aug 2006|11:23am] |
| [ |
music |
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Sublime - What I Got |
] |
I'm 17 in less than an hour and I don't feel like I should be a day over 10.
Peace!
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| This is the end |
[01 Aug 2006|07:23am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
crushed |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Against Me! - Sink, Flordia, Sink |
] |
And we sink, and we drown
and what is lost can never be found
well these arms did swim,
until the lungs pulled in
panic was lost in a deep understanding
that you will see what is wrong with everything
what is wrong with you and me
they make all the right reasons to fuck it up
you're gonna fuck it up
I'm afraid I've lost the way
Peace ♥
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| We are the most impassioned ugly people |
[06 Jul 2006|10:23am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 determined |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Glassjaw |
] |
.epohonevahllitsew
I stand here and try to look out into the dark vastness that is my future. Unfortunately I can't see shit. There are clouds and there seems to be layers to the sky. It's all just too unknown. I waste time wanting to know what will happen. How will it end. But I never want to reach that day when I no longer have a need for that curiosity. I don't want to know the end to this "movie". Shouldn't I be living yet? Shouldn't I know where I'm headed by now I have millions of dreams and things I want to do with this life. But I barely have time to do the little I do now. It's not satisfaction I get relaxing at the end of the day. It's escape from the stress. Disgust that I'm already in bed waiting to go to sleep again. Wasn't I just here? Didn't this just happen? I can't say I know what will happen tomorrow. The higher meaning that I'm looking for did not show itself today.
Everything's okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end.
I'm stressed, envious, apthetic and above all, drained and that is all I have.
Peace ♥
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| The days just go faster and faster... |
[18 Aug 2005|08:23am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 happy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Rise Against |
] |
all these days
I'll forever cherish
in the confines of my heart
the faces of ten years ago
like fingerprints on my heart
how can I breathe
when fear chokes my every breath?
how can I balance
six inches from death?
now, the momentum we've created
comes to a screeching halt
this angel comes crashing down
on her hands and knees she crawls
how can I breathe
when fear chokes my every breath?
how many of your lies
will I be fed?
the remains of summer memories
spent so far away
free from the fear or jealousy
that plagues our lives today
now that promises we're broken
enemies were made
we spend our precious time pointing fingers
trying to place the blame
the remains of what's left
of our past
of a future yet to come
of the battles that we've lost
and the fights that we have won
And today doesn't feel any different but I'm sure it will be changing in more ways than one.
=)
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| Where's your keys!?!? =) |
[15 May 2005|11:00pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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happy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Yeah Yeah Yeahs |
] |
Prom was prettyyy fun. I had a good time. =)
I especially liked that amazing walk back to Nicoles at 4 in the morning ♥
That's all for now, maybe more later.
♥
Looking in your eyes, I see a paradise.
This world that I found is too good to be true.
Standing here beside you,
I want so much to give you
This love in my heart that I'm feeling for you.
Let them say we're crazy.
I don't care about that.
Put your hand in my hand, baby, don't ever look back.
Let the world around us just fall apart.
Baby, we can make it if we're heart to heart.
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| And in case you were wondering, you are like a sunset to me |
[24 Apr 2005|05:56pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
happy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
The Starting Line~Ready |
] |
Wow what a week! I'll go in order from friday which you already know about till now.
Friday-The Starting Line, Armor For Sleep, Mae were absolutly amazing.
Saturday-hung out with my momma and just sat around.
Sunday-Taking Back Sunday, The Format, and Jimmy Eat World with Emily, Nick, Nicole, and Sheri and wow what a good time! We told you to look in lost and found! haha i love you guys.
Monday,Tuesday, Wednesday-just rested it up at home and talked to people and babysat which resulted in money.
Thursday-Senses Fail with Em, Sheri, Nicole, and Lil! Such good times, right in the front and then hanging out with them afterwords! Em slept over and we chilled and talked about mucho stuff and had fun times as always =)
Friday-got ready went over to Nick's house hung out with him and a few of his friends and then we went to Nicoles and then more people came and it was such a fun night.
Saturday-woke up around 12ish and got ready and then went to Nick's again and I met his mom and his dog haha then we watched Shaun of the Dead and then went for a walk. We stopped by his friend Alex' and then it started raining and my mom was gonna be there soon so we had to walk back to his house. We were in the rain and it was the perfect moment and i'm sure you all can guess what happened =) then my momma came and he met my mom and then we left and I went to my uncles.
Today-just absorbing the week and finally having the empty feeling start to go away.
And in case you were wondering, you are like a sunset to me
You're all kinds of beautiful as you end my day
And you sweetly retire as the stars chase you away.
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| Say what you're thinking right now. |
[16 Apr 2005|03:26pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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ecstatic |
] |
| [ |
music |
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The Starting Line~Photography! |
] |
WOWWWWW!!!!!!!!
Yesterday was the most amazing day ever and I owe it all to Jeff, Emily and Tom. Yesterday night was th ebest show I have ever been to. Mae, Armor For Sleep, and The Starting Line! Oh mannnn!
First was the Suicide Pact, they were pretty good and really nice guys. Armor For Sleep was next and wow they are so amazing and they played my favorite song by them! Mae was after them and they were so good, I was so impressed by them and they also played my favorite song =)! Then what I've been waiting for since 7th grade, The Starting Line, they started off with Up and Go and they played a bunch of new INCREDIBLE songs and I cannot wait for the new cd because it is going to be unbelievably amazing. They also played Greg's Last Day and Three's a Charm and they ended with Leaving. The oncore was so amazing too. Then effin Em, Jeff, Tom and myself met Matt and Kenny, oh man I couldn't believe it. It was seriously the best show I have ever been too, I can't wait till they come back because wow. Unbelievable!
Tomorrow=The Format, Taking Back Sunday, and Jimmy Eat World with 4 of the best people in the world! It's going to be amazing!
Maybe (I hope)things are getting better, we'll see.
♥♥♥
I've never been so happy to see a photograph of me
then when graced with your company.
You're making a small change to the way
that you wear your heart.
I like it better...I like it... I like it better now
I'll swing from a streetlight
and sing oh, oh, oh
I'm stuck in the meantime
but we're so, oh close
|
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| And this is what it comes to |
[11 Apr 2005|09:38pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 stressed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
The Used and My Chemical Romance~Under Pressure |
] |
Time for an update I suppose.
Nothing has changed since last entry besides going to like 4 amazing concerts coming up, The Starting Line Armor For Sleep and Mae, Taking Back Sunday Jimmy Eat World and The Format, Senses Fail, and then The Starting Line again and then most likely Rufio and then Alkaline Trio, it's quite exciting and flippin expensive.
School is almost over, crazy to think it's already April, time went by so fast. This school year has definitely been wow.
Still have that empty feeling inside. I don't know what to do about it anymore. It's just the same thing over and over agian just like last entry I suppose it doesn't matter though I should just get over and live with it because nothing is going to change and I'm sure all of you are getting sick of me complaining. I suppose if I wait though maybe something good will happen I don't know, I hate this feeling though, I'm so tired of laying my head on my pillow and having a billion thoughts going through my head. I'm trying to stay in there, I really am, it's just so hard. I keep thinking only a few more months than summer and hopefully things will get better by then.
Goodnight ♥
bored of cheering me up
bored of calming me down
bored of drying my eyes
but there once was a time when you were the one.
you were the blue of the sky
you came after the storm
you were the switch on the wall
in the dark of the hall
im still fumbling for
cause im lost in the black
i dont know where I am.
arms stretched out in front
im calling your name
just as loud as I can
I know theres words that we will never speak
and the questions can't be answered easily
but I wanted to be easy so
nod your head if the plans have changed
shake it, love, if they've stayed the same
smile at me and I will stay
start to cry and I'll go away
just please dont leave me guessing.
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| Your body is a weapon |
[17 Mar 2005|11:00pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
drained |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Action Action~Broken |
] |
Time for an update i suppose.
Alright well I guess this is going to be a entry where I spill how I'm feeling and sorry if people don't want to read it.
Yes I know, a million people are having more troubled and bad lives but at the moment I don't think I've ever been so low. I hate being this way. I know I have a billion and one things to be thankful for I just feel so drained. I don't know what to do anymore, I feel so alone and I feel like no one cares and I mean no one should care because these are my problems and all but man I hate all of this. Sometimes I just wish there was like a sign to why I'm here because right now I feel like I have no purpose. Again I know there could be so much worse. My life is so boring, like really every day I wake up, go to school and be miserable, come home and listen to music and sleep. Everyday. I mean, yes being alone sometimes is nice and when you do it so much it just gets to you and eats away at you. Another thing that really hurts is when you have something so good and then there is absolutly nothing, it really hurts, as much time passes and all that and it still hurts. I was happy for awhile and than I have no idea what happened. Everything just took a huge turn I guess. And it isn't just one thing it's everything. And all of this is probably noticable and in everyone's head there probably like shut up jess we don't care! I don't want to burden anyone and if I am by writing this I'm sorry that wasn't my intention I just need to get all these pent up feelings out there because I can't handle it anymore, I really can't. I keep having my stupid hope and keep thinking things are going to change or get better and nothing changes and the days seem to get longer yet time goes by faster and I see everything just going way to fast. I'm scared of everything. I want everyone to be happy though, that's first priority. I'm still going to have my hope that things will change and hopefully they will soon because lately I've given up but I'm trying to have a better outlook on things but it's just not working out that way but I'm trying.
Goodnight ♥
I think your bruise was understated
'cause you can't feel this anymore
it's getting bluer and you can't keep faking
that you can't feel this anymore
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[22 Feb 2005|04:27am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
blank |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Verona~Hey Jealousy |
] |
i give up on this pointless life i lead. i don't know what to do anymore.
goodnight ♥
It's funny how things work out,
The ones we need don't know we're there,
If I were sand and you were oceans,
The moon would be why you're pulled to me.
I wake up and think dreams are real,
I sleep so I don't have to feel,
The truth that you can't ever be,
The one person that won't ever forget me.
I hope that dreams come when I die,
So we can talk,
I won't wake up,
I'll ask you how your life worked out.
I'll never know that I'm just dreaming,
I wake up and think dreams are real,
I sleep so I don't have to feel,
The truth that you can't ever be,
The one person that won't ever forget me.
Let me sleep some more.
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| Your my wonderwall |
[13 Jan 2005|11:22pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
mellow |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Underoath~Reinventing Your Exit |
] |
this made my night
-"Maybe he's like using the "willy wonka" you know?? how willy is all like a total asshole to charlie and treats him like shit. and then in the end hes all like "YOU'VE WON!" "YOU PASSED MY TEST" and gives him the chocolate factory. well maybe he's doing the same thing, treating you like shit to see if you can do it and he'll give you his chocolate factory!!"
spoken by my baby making lover Emily Jo =)
lots and lots of stuff on my mind but i won't say it all now someother time maybee. Goodnight.
♥
There are many things that I would
Like to say to you
I don't know how
I said maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me
And after all
You're my wonderwall
|
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| It's love, Make it hurt. |
[10 Nov 2004|07:01pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
stressed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Taking Back Sunday~Bonus Mosh Pt. 2 |
] |
Havn't updated since November 2nd?? Yeah this is gonna be long...
Alright lets start with friday November 5th? yeahhh, me and Ryan decided to go wait in the freezing cold to get green day autographs and get some for ourselves and some other people. Yeah so we wait in line and Ryan decides to write all over the posters hahaha that was amusing, so yeah we get to the front and get cut off so me and Ryan decide to enter in this thing to win free tickets to the show and we do 3 a piece and so they start to give the tickets away. 1st person gets called not us, 2nd person gets called not us, 3rd person gets called not us. At this point Ryan decides to pray and he prays that the poor white kids (him and myself win) 4th person gets called not us, and then all of sudden they call out the 5th person and the guy goes "Ryan, Ryan Hare??" and Ryan jumps up and goes OMG! so yes me and Ryan end up getting floor tickets and make it all the way to the front for the concert. We met up with John and we were walking in and the guards took John and Ryans belt away which was dumbbbbbb. Then we saw Jeff, Steve, Bill, Bill, and Pat. It was fun. Sugarcult was actually good and New FOund Glory for me was very good, i really like them. Then Green Day came on and they were amazingggggg, Billie Joe stuck his hands down his pants and whoa baby let me tell you. Haha it was good, for the oncore they played Boulevard of Broken Dreams, Good Riddence, We are the Champions, and Welcome to Paradise. It was seriously an amazing show and i'm really glad we won tickets and it's all because of Ryan. Hahah it was a good night.
Saturday was boring i sat home all by myself and thought wayyyy to much and yeah not good, but at around 8 ish Jeff and Alex stopped by and made my night =)
Sunday i went with my grama to the mall and got stuff for christmas it was cool.
Monday i got up and was excited x 37947394704802384. I waited alllllll dayyyyyy and then finally at 4:45 i was at waterstreet and getting ready to see Adam and Fred of Taking Back Sunday do an acoustic show for about 20 people? and Sheri and me were 2 of those people. It was completely awesome. Adam and Fred signed my new shoes =) They signed other things for me too and i got some people some autographs cuz i love them all so much =) and i got pictures with them and it was completly amazing. They played A decade under the influence, this photograph is proof, and new american classic, and i met them afterwords and they signed all my stuff and they called people lame and it made me laugh =) So then we're hanging out and Sheri and me met these two awesome people. So they leave and Sheri and me are waiting for my momma so she can drop us off at Harro East and so we're outside and Adam and Fred go to us "do you guys need rides??" and wow all i can say if my mom wasn't on her way me and Sheri would be in that car with the amazing Adam and Fred, how awesome would that beeeee! So i got to the show and the Varsity played first, they were good, i liked them, Funeral for a Friend was crazyyyyy. I like them a lot. Atreyu was really good. I was impressed. Then Taking Back Sunday, i knew every word to every songgggggg. It was so amazing it was Me, Emily, Deanna, Allison, Paul, and Danielle. We were all together having a good time. I called the first song and they were amazing. I couldn't be happier it was so amazing. The oncore was New American Classic and Cute without the e. It was absolutly amazing. I couldn't breathe and wow it was so good. I got a sweatshirt and paul lost his shoe and deanna lost a glove and sheri lost 5 bucks but in the end it was well worth it i think. I came home unbelievably happy and slept a whole lot but didn't help with any of my problems.
So yeah this leads me into today, ya know whenever i think everything is okay, it just turns around on me. I know everyones sick of hearing about my problems and im really sorry. I just have so much on my mind and i'm so stressed and it doesn't help out when people think so highly of themselves but hey what can ya do? I don't know anymore i just want to be happy thats all. I'm definitely thinking about giving up on everything because nothing matters anymore. I don't matter anymore. Well i'm done. Goodnight <3
<3 later
Jess
I don’t care if you don’t mind
I’ll be there not far behind
I will dare
Keep in mind
I’ll be there for you
|
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| If I could somehow make you mine |
[02 Nov 2004|08:43pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
drained |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Hawthorne Heights~Ohio is for Lovers |
] |
Alright where to start i mean i havn't updated since like october 20th or something...
soooo much has happened,it's all to much to type though.
I stayed home from school today. Not that it matters though. So much has been running through my mind and i feel like a jerk for talking about it to people so i'm just gonna write it in here because yeah. So yeah, a lot is going through my mind and seriously it's making me crazy mentally and pyshically like i can't sleep and i've been getting so sick and my mom just keeps asking whats wrong and i don't even know how to put it into words but seriously i need to get away from all of this because i'm soo drained. Sorry for actually having feelings that won't go away, i didn't know it was a sin. I feel bad also because either the people i want to talk to either have there own problems or there happy i don't want to make anyone else sad because of me and my problems. So if i act all blah lately to anyone i'm really sorry i'm just upset about everything.
On a good note i see taking back sunday in 6 days which is gonna be awesome, i love having things to look forward to.
Alright i'm outta here
by the way, i'm still sick of that attitude, some people know what i'm talking about. haha
<3 later
Jess
Can you sleep at night,
If I hold you tight.
I won't let you go,
It feels so right.
Please don't leave this time.
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| I think I'm drunk enough to drive you home now |
[20 Oct 2004|10:54pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
drained |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Interpol~Slow Hands |
] |
Alright...story time!
Last saturday night i was driving home with Ryan and yeah so we're on lexington and we're at a red light and this college kid who looks pretty drunk pulls next to us. So we're sitting there and Ryan says jokingly that he shoulda gave the guy the finger but he didn't and he waved nicely so then all of a sudden the guy starts to unbuckle his seat belt and Ryan looks over to talk to me and so we're sitting there then Ryan looks over and the guy is pounding on the window. Ryan gets out of the van (yes we're in a purple van haha) so the guy swings at Ryan and Ryan ducks but the guy gets Ryan in a headlock but Ryan gets out of it and pushes him up against the car at this point and time i get out of the van and i go over and i break the whole thing up like literally in between them saying come on guys we're at a red light and this isn't good cops could get here any minute then you'll both be in trouble so Ryan get sin the van and drives off, i was so scared that the guy would follow him home but he didn't. Good thing! Yeah that was scary but also very wowwww at the same time.
I'm still upset with people being mean to other people. Example, i love how people can "hate" other people and not even know them? Just because you heard stuff through one person gives you know right to hate someone. And again how about people start checking their attitudes. I hate feeling like this. Alright well it's late and i'm upset it was a pretty bad day. Goodnight
<3 later
I guess this is what it's like to be really down And holding out for something
|
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| crush me baby i'm all ears |
[15 Oct 2004|10:39am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
lonely |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Green Day~Boulevard Of Broken Dreams |
] |
I'd end my days with you In a hail of bullets.
So much has happened since i updated last which wasn't really an update so yeah let's see...
Things happened but yeah who cares, no one. I'm kind of upset about certain things...
I'm really really upset with people saying unnecessary things like wow no need to get attitude or be mean about things so chill out. Yeah so if people have something to say they should just come out and say it and not just throw around random things that make no sense.
I also love how everyone is so mean to eachother lately like it's unbelievable. People have feelings so how about you treat them like they do and stop thinking about yourself.
No one reads this thing anyways so who cares. I'm just upset and yeah anyways i better get going.
<3 later
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| you won my heart even though it was already yours |
[09 Oct 2004|11:52am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
nervous |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Plain White T's~Fireworks |
] |
Post a memory of me as a comment in this entry. It can be anything you want. You can post as many memories as you want. Then, of course, post this to your journal and see what people remember of you.
please do this for me
today should be a fun day, i'll update later.
<3 later
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x0crush_me0x's journal